The thing about a restaurant is you have to have a dishwasher. Not a machine. That's the easy part. Finding the person to put the plates and glasses and silverware onto the trays to send through. Who will also put all those dishes back onto shelves and behind the bar. Then fill the pans with ice because the sous chef is always magically doing the produce order during this part of prep, peel the case of potatoes between washes, and clean the vomit from the bachelorette party off the bathroom floor, walls and toilets. There are 20 other tasks the dishwasher is laden with during the course of a shift, and the finale is dragging several 30 lb. rubber mats covered with the scraps of the entire service out into the alley to spray and scrub clean. You let these dry while you mop. Sometimes you get to leave them for the am person, sometimes you have to drag the wet mats back into place.
It SUUUUUUCCKKKSSS to be the person who does this, but it makes you the unsung hero of the restaurant business because no place with barf on the walls is getting past Yelp these days.
You'd think this person would be one of the first considered. When building, when hiring, when planning menus and deciding what kind of service you're going to have. That's a funny joke.
The dishwasher is usually hired eleven minutes before the soft opening after somebody's cousin or brother flaked during menu-testing. I've worked for chefs who were in the dining room drinking wine while I hurled pans across the kitchen into the sink because they couldn't be bothered to lead their kitchen (thanks Lenny Rede) and I've found myself dragging those filthy mats outside plenty of times
because a kitchen is a kitchen and shit has to get cleaned no matter your rank. (Chefs find a way to avoid this always, though. Cop to it, you dicks, you do)
The dishwasher is not always named Hector.
I want y'all to meet Sue.
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
Monday, February 23, 2015
Hector Goes to College
That's a joke.
Hector being able to afford college or having the time to go acquire skills so he isn't a lowly $8 an hour you-deserve-it-for-being-an-immigrant dishwasher* anymore is a funny, funny joke.
Hector can't do anything but work and die and eat a couple tacos in between.
American Hustle, my ass.
*this is one of the two stupid reasons people give to avoid giving Hector more money. 1) He is an immigrant. Fuck those fuckers and the fruit they pick for us and shitty jobs they do so we don't have to. HOW DARE THEY. 2) Dishwashing isn't worthy of a living wage. Only people who can code deserve to live in something besides a sewer eating turds and feathers.
Sunday, February 22, 2015
Yo Jabba Jabba (or Why I Believe in Raising the Minimum Wage)
Oy. You fucking people. Let's do this math so I can stop talking about it.
Hector is my favorite non-existent dishwasher. He makes $8 an hour, which his boss either doesn't consider, does consider and feels bad, but oh well, I've got a mortgage, or thinks Hector's salary is just fine because he knows a guy who only pays his dishwashers $5.
Hector works 2 jobs a day that are 7.5 hours each so that his employers can avoid paying his insurance which means 15 x 8, or $120. After taxes, and assuming Hector has a nice wife and two lovely children, we'll consider it to be an even $100 that Hector brings home per day. Do that 25 days a month (we'll pretend he also has a few hours of OT) and look at that huge pile of cash he made. All $2500 of it. That means Hector is a median-income earner in America.
Hector's wife stays home with the kids because childcare tends to be at least $8hr. if not more, and this is a better choice for them both.
They live with her sister and her family in a 2-bedroom townhouse and their share of the rent is $750. It's not really that cheap, because there is no townhouse in any major city that is 2 bedrooms and only $1500, but I don't want to argue, so let's say after $750, Hector still has a whopping $1750 left, and his family has a WHOLE ENTIRE BEDROOM TO THEMSELVES.
Hector and his wife have a used mini-van. They live in a part of the city where there is no reliable public transportation, and with no real credit and a minimal down payment, the car costs $400. Some of you will find it impossible that a used Caravan can cost the same as a Mercedes payment, I assure you that it's true. So now we're at $1350. Good thing Hector works sun-up to sundown or he might notice how screwed he gets on things like this.
Take that $1350 and subtract car insurance and the very minimum health plan offered, because you made that $10,000 emergency room mistake once, and you're at an even $1k. It's time to feed and clothe the fam damily.
If you go to discount stores, and outlets, buy bulk, and cook every meal at home (mostly vegetarian) you can do three meals a day for a family of four for about $150. That's providing you have those stores, and know how to cook healthy meals, but Irma (Hector's imaginary wife) is very resourceful and does it. 21 meals divided by $150, no snacks, is $7.14, divided by four, giving them a very generous $1.78 per meal. Good thing Hector earns the median. Can you imagine what the lowest end of that sliding scale have to spend on food. Or people who aren't lucky enough to have TWO JOBS like Hector?
Now that we've subtracted $600 for food because $1.78 per meal isn't starving for fuck sake, you can figure out how to leisurely spend that last $400 on clothes and other fun stuff. Oh. Wait. I forgot gas for Hector to get from Job A to Job B. Something is always getting forgotten. Now that it's back up to $2.50 a gallon, it costs $60 to fill, and he uses a tank and a half per week so that's $90 x 4 and we have $40 for whatever the children need. Or dental work. or a used couch. Again, good thing Hector is never home, or he might notice how the TV doesn't come in on certain channels anymore.
Now Hector is broke, even though he worked all day, every day. Hector doesn't qualify for any social services. Hector would love to participate in all these exciting things the commercials show like paddle-boarding and $4 cupcakes, but he can't. The worst part is how we act like he's doing okay and should be out there in the 'Bu with the rest of us except NOBODY IS IN THE 'BU but the McConaughey and he probably owes someone a fuckload of money too.
It's a lie we tell, we don't want to break it down like I just did or we'd have to admit we're all kind of fucked when takeout for a family of four, from the taqueria Hector works at part of his day, costs $40, which is almost half his daily take home. We don't want to admit that this game of LIFE is running out of the white money and promissory notes are all that's left.
Life is cheap, living is expensive.
It's really as simple as 3rd. grade math.
Hector is my favorite non-existent dishwasher. He makes $8 an hour, which his boss either doesn't consider, does consider and feels bad, but oh well, I've got a mortgage, or thinks Hector's salary is just fine because he knows a guy who only pays his dishwashers $5.
Hector works 2 jobs a day that are 7.5 hours each so that his employers can avoid paying his insurance which means 15 x 8, or $120. After taxes, and assuming Hector has a nice wife and two lovely children, we'll consider it to be an even $100 that Hector brings home per day. Do that 25 days a month (we'll pretend he also has a few hours of OT) and look at that huge pile of cash he made. All $2500 of it. That means Hector is a median-income earner in America.
Hector's wife stays home with the kids because childcare tends to be at least $8hr. if not more, and this is a better choice for them both.
They live with her sister and her family in a 2-bedroom townhouse and their share of the rent is $750. It's not really that cheap, because there is no townhouse in any major city that is 2 bedrooms and only $1500, but I don't want to argue, so let's say after $750, Hector still has a whopping $1750 left, and his family has a WHOLE ENTIRE BEDROOM TO THEMSELVES.
Hector and his wife have a used mini-van. They live in a part of the city where there is no reliable public transportation, and with no real credit and a minimal down payment, the car costs $400. Some of you will find it impossible that a used Caravan can cost the same as a Mercedes payment, I assure you that it's true. So now we're at $1350. Good thing Hector works sun-up to sundown or he might notice how screwed he gets on things like this.
Take that $1350 and subtract car insurance and the very minimum health plan offered, because you made that $10,000 emergency room mistake once, and you're at an even $1k. It's time to feed and clothe the fam damily.
If you go to discount stores, and outlets, buy bulk, and cook every meal at home (mostly vegetarian) you can do three meals a day for a family of four for about $150. That's providing you have those stores, and know how to cook healthy meals, but Irma (Hector's imaginary wife) is very resourceful and does it. 21 meals divided by $150, no snacks, is $7.14, divided by four, giving them a very generous $1.78 per meal. Good thing Hector earns the median. Can you imagine what the lowest end of that sliding scale have to spend on food. Or people who aren't lucky enough to have TWO JOBS like Hector?
Now that we've subtracted $600 for food because $1.78 per meal isn't starving for fuck sake, you can figure out how to leisurely spend that last $400 on clothes and other fun stuff. Oh. Wait. I forgot gas for Hector to get from Job A to Job B. Something is always getting forgotten. Now that it's back up to $2.50 a gallon, it costs $60 to fill, and he uses a tank and a half per week so that's $90 x 4 and we have $40 for whatever the children need. Or dental work. or a used couch. Again, good thing Hector is never home, or he might notice how the TV doesn't come in on certain channels anymore.
Now Hector is broke, even though he worked all day, every day. Hector doesn't qualify for any social services. Hector would love to participate in all these exciting things the commercials show like paddle-boarding and $4 cupcakes, but he can't. The worst part is how we act like he's doing okay and should be out there in the 'Bu with the rest of us except NOBODY IS IN THE 'BU but the McConaughey and he probably owes someone a fuckload of money too.
It's a lie we tell, we don't want to break it down like I just did or we'd have to admit we're all kind of fucked when takeout for a family of four, from the taqueria Hector works at part of his day, costs $40, which is almost half his daily take home. We don't want to admit that this game of LIFE is running out of the white money and promissory notes are all that's left.
Life is cheap, living is expensive.
It's really as simple as 3rd. grade math.
#49. I've Seen the Brightness in One Little Spark
They just don't make musicals about exploited, blind factory workers like they used to.
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
Tuesday, February 17, 2015
#44. I'm Nobody but I am Someone
Ani gives me winsome, wistful, hopeful truth.
Alana gives me curves.
Thursday, February 12, 2015
#40. These Days I Barely Wander
Back when I used to wander, I was always out looking for signs
But they were never there, so I'd pull 'em from the air
We all believed in something, but like you I can't say why
It's just a whisper in our ear, or a bottle for our fears
Hold me to light, let me shine
Come hold me to the floor and say it's alright
Come hold me 'neath the water's skin until I'm new again
And I said what I was thinking: now you can't see what's good 'til it's gone
Then there's something to be said for a place to lay your head
You told me I was simple, and you envied me that peace of mind
Then we listened to the creek and it did much more for me
I'll hold you to the light, let you shine
I'll hold you against the floor and say it's alright
'cause down beneath the water's skin where we will swim
Those diamonds on the surface then
And, they'll come clean us, we'll both live again
These days I barely wander, and I don't need no more of them signs
I'll just breathe in all that air and be happy that it's there
We all believed in something, but like you I can't say why
It's just a whisper in our ear, or a bottle for our fears
Hold me to light, let me shine
Come hold me to the floor and say it's alright
Come hold me 'neath the water's skin until I'm new again
And I said what I was thinking: now you can't see what's good 'til it's gone
Then there's something to be said for a place to lay your head
You told me I was simple, and you envied me that peace of mind
Then we listened to the creek and it did much more for me
I'll hold you to the light, let you shine
I'll hold you against the floor and say it's alright
'cause down beneath the water's skin where we will swim
Those diamonds on the surface then
And, they'll come clean us, we'll both live again
These days I barely wander, and I don't need no more of them signs
I'll just breathe in all that air and be happy that it's there
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