Married and bored or Single and lonely? - Chris Rock
I recently told Nick that I wanted to punch him in the face until he died. I think it must be true love when you can overlook a remark like that and keep pretending you're asleep to avoid the coughing child.
After six years of marriage I understand why people get divorced. You want your life back. YOUR life. The one where YOU come first. If you have kids you might be willing to give up everything that is good and pure and wonderful for two weeks a month of Cheetos, Real Housewives and no Legoes. You might say to yourself, Hey Self, I'd like to put on full makeup and high heels and walk around with my tits hanging out like I used to instead of chasing Evan around the park in these motherfucking capri cargoes that we all wear. AGAIN.
You might say that.
And then you might force yourself to think of all the poor people who live in real despair and have no chance or choice and it's so nice to have a family who is healthy and who loves each other.
And you remember what you said in front of God and the employees of the Flamingo Hotel in beautiful Laughlin, Nevada.
And you put the bag of Cheetoes back on the shelf, and rent Toy Story 75, pick up the pair of underwear and T-shirt that is ALWAYS next to the bed, and say Thanks to the universe for sending someone to love the bitch that is you.
The Prophet, 2010, revised, abridged edition.